The airport

I flew home this past weekend to take my ever so exciting child life certification exam.

I feel like I have become more of a pro when it comes to flying since I have done it more frequently lately. As I approached the check point, I put all my lip balm/glosses/and chapsticks dutifully in a white clear plastic bag- so, i guess, there would be no reason to believe there was a bomb in them. Can anyone explain to me how a baggie will contain an explosive device if it went off? I'm still working on that one.

Before I got to the the scanning machine things I handed the guy my boarding pass and license and waited for the okay. However, he threw me off. "Let me guess..." He said as he took my stuff. What he was going to guess was a mystery to me and I wondered what on earth I did to deserve this "special" treatment of the security guard talking to me. "Vegas!" He said as he looked at my destination. He laughed and then sent me on my way. I was baffled by this #1 Because I have never seen these people have any sort of personality and #2 Why did I look like I was going to Vegas? (Maybe it was the belly dancer outfit that I was wearing!)

The next step is always something that takes some thinking. Which line is going to move fastest through the check point? I have this amazing sense to get in the line that moves the slowest. This occurs any place where a line is needed. Grocery stores, library, bathrooms etc. (I even waited almost an hour for a hot dog at the Diamond backs game. I just kept thinking that it would go faster any minute. I know. I'm lame!) I was bound and determined to beat the system and pick the fast lane. The trick is once you pick it, you are stuck because everyone else fills in behind you. There is no going back. Unfortunately, I failed again in the picking.

The lady 2 ahead of me had 4 little totes full of stuff. 2 laptops, her carry on and her purse. Each one requiring its own tote. As she was loading up her stuff, the lady directly in front of me was taking off her shoes and putting on her little booties from the airport. (apparently the airport is helping with any sanitary issues. Very nice idea, but for some people they are tricky to get on, which adds to the time.) The lady putting them on was for some reason struggling to figure it out. The tote lady in front of her finally got all her stuff to the moving belt and sent them on their way as she made her way to the medical detector. (I'm still behind the bootie lady trying to figure out how I can help the situation move a little faster.) As the tote lady made her way through the dreaded medical detector, her boarding pass was not in her hand. Stopping the line even more, we had to wait as her things went through moving belt so that she could retrieve her pass.
The bootie lady finally had it figured out and was ready to slide her own tote onto the moving belt. I sighed a sigh of relief- Finally we were moving! But the sigh was just premature. The bootie lady entered the medical detector as I slid my tote onto the belt. The alarms started going off. "Go put your jewelry in your tote" the security lady said. The poor bootie lady was pretty frazzled as I'm sure she was thinking, "I'm not a terrorist! I just like to look good!" She took off her earrings, rings and necklaces as we all waited patiently. She stuck them inside a little bucket and put it on her tote as it slid into the scanning machine. As it did so, I could hear it tip over and each one of her precious things were scattered everywhere inside that dark cave! She didnt notice because she was trying to hurry to not stop the line more. As she went through, of course the alarms go off again. I am now standing, next in line. Waiting for the okay to walk through. But because the bootie lady set off the alarm again, the security lady turned her back to me, cutting off the pass for me to walk through and yelled out "woman assist!" and waited for someone to come. It was funny because she didnt take her eyes off the bootie lady like she was going to try something! I myself, was blocked in , since she had her back to me and the long line was forming behind me. (I even wondered to myself, does she think that I am going to try and slip by as she has her eyes on the bootie lady?Does she not realize that there are like 10 security guards watching everyone? I guess she didnt, because she didnt budge until someone else came. I kind of got a little self conscience and wanted to shout out to the crowd- its not me thats backing you up!!!
Finally someone came, and I stepped through those scary metal detectors- luckily, they didnt go off! Why do I feel like they are always going to go off? I know that I dont have a weapon of mass destruction in my pocket, but I worry- what if someone planted one!
Luckily I had arrived to the airport like 2 hrs earlier- since traffic wasnt as bad as I had planned- so this delay didnt stress me out!
Here is the moral of your story. If you are a lady and like to look nice, make sure all jewelry is off and in your carry on. Once safely past the metal detector, you can get all dolled up! And maybe it wouldnt hurt to practice putting on socks over and over again so as to prepare for the booties!
(I hope this all made sense. I realized as I was typing it that I didnt know the real name for things- so I made them up!)